Monday, February 22, 2010

This car smells funny

Seven shows in 4 days. A new personal record. And here's who I got to portray: An old man who went to the theater on the wrong day, a snowboarder with a head injury, an ignorant mayor named Mr Mayor, Santa Claus, a T rex, a college student from Nova Scotia, a policeman, someones mom, another policeman, a king, a teacher who took 12 years of 12th grade before teaching it, a bartender who spikes his drinks with Windex, a chicken, a soapy inmate, and a construction worker who was a virgin. What day is it?

See if you can guess how my picture relates to my post this week....collect them all!

Some days living in New York is like being on the set of a movie, and everything seems fun and alive.
Some days living in New York you get on what you think is an empty car on the D Train, only to find a homeless man taking a dump in there and a small frightened Vietnamese lady in the corner holding her nose, and you cant get out because the doors just shut, and the doors between cars are locked, and then the D Train stops for 6 minutes due to train traffic and you have to breathe through your nose, or you will throw up, and you block your ears so as not to hear the strains coming from the man using the train as his executive bathroom, and then the doors finally open, and you run out waving your hands like they're on fire in the air warning people to not go in there, and it all seems so completely disgusting you wonder why you moved here in the first place.
But sometimes, its like the first thing I said.

I can not find The Connells Fun and Games CD ( cassette when it first came out) anywhere. Not on Itunes, Pandora, Lastfm, or I know this album (cassette actually) existed. not like the other things I made up, like dwarf's living in the vents of my house, the talking dog Perky whom I shared a special relationship with, or a happy family. Anyway, if you see it, grab it for me...Ill get ya back...

Resin works just fine in a pinch...ya know?

ST Patricks Day is a mere 3 weeks away....I haven't even started shopping. But, I'm on the top of a list for a liver at a hospital in upstate New York, so Ive got that...
We are in that weird area of sports when there is no baseball or football, and hockey is suspended because of the Winter Olympics, which still happens much to my surprise. I thought it was a test, like The West Coast Avengers spin-off, or After Mash. I wonder if they'll have After Lost, or Law and Order Babies. I would totally watch that ..for a while...

"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.”---Robin Williams

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Ribbon Cutting

I always thought ribbon cutting ceremonies were only for government officials, or people who were about to be attacked by a supervillian like the Green Goblin. But I went to one yesterday. And it was great. And it was catered! The 52nd Street Project is a great theater I volunteer at, and they moved to their new digs and celebrated with mini meatball sandwiches and a speech from Lewis Black. He was great, and he teared up a bit talking about his late brother, whom he named the theater after, and it was very moving. Edie Falco was there too and we talked about how great the kids were, and the project, and I thought she was into it despite frantically pushing the button for the elevator.

Its 4pm, time to open the blinds and see whats going on, and who's out there....whoa...this is why I try to sleep during the daylight hours

If youre not a fan of my improv band, I would love you to be. BTK rocked it out last night. At first I thought it was a dream, but now it burns when I pee, so I know it was all real.

Valentines day rapidly approaches, so look out local massage parlors in my neighborhood. This year with the money I would have spent taking a girl to a lovely prix fixe dinner at a place that ends in Tratorria, I will donate all the money to my favorite charity. Lets get Betty White to host SNL.

Happy V Day: "Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.” --- Steve Martin

Monday, February 1, 2010

Beer Thirty

Seattle Washington. Pike Pier area. A mixture of mac n cheese and raw oysters may not have been the smartest move, but, if I made smart moves, this blog would be in a book, and Id be paying a robot to type this. Or a clone. Or something from the future. Actually, if I could clone myself, Id send the other Rory out to make balloon swords, because I like them, but I cant make them. The squeaking drives me nuts. Cant stand squeaky sneakers ( wouldn't make it courtside at a Knicks game) Or squeaky foods. Like pickle spears.....damn...that makes me cringe right now.

I lost my little old man newsie cap there too. In Washington not in the future. In five years though, Back to the Future says were supposed to have flying cars, newspapers with built in videos, and guys fashion at work is two ties. I hate wearing one tie: the future sounds scary.

I think the commercials where the people talk to the Big Mac Snack Wraps is dead on. If it comes to a point where I'm eating McDonalds, I'm talking to food too.

SuperBowl Sunday, the second greatest holiday on Earth*, approaches. As per my new diet, I am ON a strict Monday-Friday no frills diet, then on the weekends I can eat anything I want. Lost six pounds so far, and I think its something I can stick too. SO, saving up to eat my weight in wings, and bathe in PBR....actually, a beer sounds good now, and its 2 in the morning...and I'm going to drink one cause I'm a grown man damn it!

Ever since I re-arranged my bedroom, putting the bed against the wall instead of by the radiator, I sleep so much better. That and Ive stopped eating bacon bits mixed in peanut butter at midnight...damn that sounds good too, and I am a grown man....Ill be right back....

Movie review: Watched The Hurt Locker on the plane. I took away the message of defusing carbombs in Iraq is better then having kids. I think I knew that secretly already. I like kids, but they have less concept of money then I do, and I'm still banking on paying my rent this month with my Old Navy gift card...

Well, I have 2 Dr Drews "Celebrity" Rehabs taped, so I have a full night.

"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again." --- Groucho Marx

* St Patricks Day is the best man made holiday.