Sunday, November 7, 2010

So I googled my age...

When thespian Corey Haim was 38, he was found dead in his house in Burbank California denying the world of License to Drive Two: Still Licensed...38 Special was probably one of the worst things about music in the 80's. "Hold on loosely, but don't let go?" That is bad advice...Mikki Moore of the Atlanta Hawks wears number 38 and no one knows who the fuck that is...There is no answer to the equation φ(x) = 38, making 38 a nontotient, so that sucks...The 38th parallel north is on the border of paradise on Earth: N and S Korea... Egyptian pharaohs were often buried with 38 statues of cat guardians, and their sarcophagi were adorned with 38 ankhs, so if I die this year, that's what I want too...thanks...The gate of the sci-fi TV series Stargate SG-1 can stay open a maximum of 38 minutes, but you already knew that didn't you..(Shannon Im looking at you)...In Taiwan, "38" is slang for stupid/idiot. It also comes with a spring roll...You may begin to feel electrical buzzes down your legs and inside your vagina in your thirty eighth week of pregnancy. This is caused from the baby hitting nerves as s/he settles into your pelvis. So that's what that is...About 38 percent of the 100,000 people registered to vote in Monroe County in the Poconos showed up at the polls Tuesday which is good cause thats a political hotbed...Steve Ditko's last issue as penciler and inker for Spider-Man was issue 38. Thwipp...The Patriots won SuperBowl 38. I lost $100...Best Picture winner at the Oscars in 1938 was You Cant Take it With You, so I wont...In the thirty-eighth year of Azariah king of Judah, Zechariah son of Jeroboam became king of Israel in Samaria, and he reigned six months. I don't even own any land... Chapter 38 of Great Expectations and Pride and Prejudice both deal with the death of a pet from what I gather...38 years ago Atari kicks off the first generation of video games with the release of their seminal arcade version of Pong. I thought it was later too...38 pounds of pot was seized from a Henry County home in Atlanta. That reminds me. I have to go to Atlanta. Sesame Street has never been brought to us by the number 38. I will be 38 on Nov 9...

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Dougrise, Dougset (or Doug-Out)

I told you I would go months at a time not writing this here wordblog thingie...but Im back so rest easy both my followers. 10 glorious weeks I had an old friend from Dallas stay with me. We'll call him Doug because his real name is Douglass so don't tell. Doug is kind of a good ol boy neurotic comic from Dallas who has never been to New York...who has some incredibly fun interesting ways to view life and the city. (He was very excited to land at "La Gordita" airport) He also doesn't know how to use the Internet, so he probably wont see this...but if he does, he'll think its funny...(probably, because of the $1 Bud Select Tallboys in the bodega across the street from us...he will read it for the first time himself...) Ive scripted out a few real conversations we had when he was here. Feel free to use these on auditions.

INT:My bedroom. 1:30 am May 29 2010

DOUG: Rory. Put soccer on. Lets watch soccer.

RORY: Soccer? Its 1:30am there is no soccer on..

DOUG: Cant you tebow it?


DOUG: Tebow, Tito what ever it is. Can you do it?

RORY: Can I TIVO a soccer game from this afternoon?

DOUG: Yeah.

RORY: You want me to tape a past event...something thats already happened?

DOUG: It cant do that?

RORY: It cant time travel? can not

DOUG: I met the most gorgeous black girl tonight!


DOUG: If I had a million dollars Id make a tiger fight a lion, wouldn't you?

RORY: Not really in my top ten

DOUG: Come on. You wouldn't want to see that? In Roman times that was their football. You and me'd be big fans.

RORY: Why?

DOUG: Cause we love football, we love beers!


1:45 am June, 2am, my bedroom,

(Door flings open)

DOUG: Rory. Sorry sorry. What are you watching? Who won the Boston vs Celtics game?

RORY: Boston vs Celtics? Ummm.the Hawks

DOUG: OH. Can you turn that to play Led Zepplin? (pointing at the TV which is on channel 622 all 80's music)

RORY: It doesn't do it by bands, its by genre.

DOUG: No Zepplin?

RORY: No,its by genre. Pick a type and Ill put it on

DOUG: Billy Joel

RORY: Get out

The Internet

RORY: Doug, the Internets back up and my laptops working again. What did you want to look up?

DOUG: What?

RORY: You said you really needed to check on something before you left.

DOUG: Oh yeah. Can you see how many carbs are in a glass of champagne?

RORY: That's what you want to look up?

DOUG: Oh yeah...I think Atkins lied to me and that's why I didn't lose weight

RORY: Maybe...

DOUG: I buy that $4 champagne from that Asian store every day...they must think Im celebrating every day

RORY: The fact that you re standing here is a good reason to celebrate

DOUG" I'm going to tell them that. Can I use that?


RORY: Ok, Ive set you up with a gmail account. Try it on your phone

DOUG: Ok...ok. What do I?

RORY: address protected for the innocent)

DOUG: Whats my password?

RORY: I wrote it down. Here

DOUG: Whats your password?

RORY: Im not going to tell you my password.

DOUG: You know mine

RORY: If you can figure out how to change it on your own then I wont know. Otherwise its gayforbeer

DOUG: Im not gay.

RORY: Is it working on your phone?


RORY: Yeah

DOUG: Wait, are people going to see I'm gay for beer when I send an email?

RORY: No, they don't send your password

DOUG: Are they free?

RORY: Are...emails free?

DOUG: Yeah I mean I don't pay for each one do I?

RORY: No Doug. Is it working on your phone?

DOUG: No...I'm typing See?

RORY: Doug..really? You don't spell out the word at...theres a symbol

DOUG: Ah, I don't want to waste time with the emails. It's ok..I don't need it. Lets have some champagne.

This is just a brief sample of the ten weeks Doug was here. Many the time he replaced the turkey burgers he ate of mine with Swiss cheese and called it even...until then...

Oh yeah,Ive been popping round Texas doing corporate work, so if you happen to see me please give me a water...

Drugs are a bet with your mind.
Jim Morrison

"Id make a tiger fight a lion" -

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Allow me to Venti

I dont care what side of the fence you're on about the ending of Lost, or if you took advantage of Starbucks Happy Hour with half price Fraps, (which they should have called Frappy Hour..why didn't they call me first) or if you're as confused as I am how KFC is a sponsoring the cure for breast cancer....I mean...good for them, but they serve more breasts then anyone..they are part of the problem...I want to talk about one thing: the economy. Or moreover, how I make ten bucks stretch into a week of food at the C Town. Five yogurts for $2 and four bagels for a $1 takes care of breakfast. Thanks to my man Manny and his son Sonny at the deli, they give me a little extra cold cuts by the pound so for $4 I get half pound of white American cheese (not racist...I forgot they made such a thing and like it better now) and half pound of honey glazed turkey. With the 2 bagels leftover from breakfast, that's sandwiches. A Poland Springs gallon of water for 99 cents takes care of my water needs, and 89 cents for angel hair pasta and 99 cents for the sauce. Pasta can last 2 days. I think the math is right. This way I can spend $40 a week on wings, $60 on beer, $50 on entertainment, and the rest on, I guess I do have my priorities in order.

My friend, we'll call Ozzy, moved in with me. Showing him around New York is both fun as I rediscover why this city rocks (sweet nuts, The Muppet Workshop at FAO Schwartz, S'mac...none of these he was interested in) and funny to see how he would grab every flyer someone in Times Square would give him. Were making wallpaper with them in one room. That's right...we may even get curtains....

I have many screenplays in my head right now. If someone can pick them up and write them, Id appreciate it. Ill buy snacks.

I did a show in Nevada and found it is indeed pronounced Nevada like bad....not Nevada like odd...or maybe its the other way around, but they get mad or mod when youre wrong.

Many shows coming up...a fun Artprov with a new artist,a rocking good few shows with the BTK band, and some solo music work in the middle of June. None of which pay, but I have plenty of yogurt and pasta to last a while.

There is a small chance I will be in China when next I write. Ill let ya know

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.” Comic W C Fields...Im assuming on an off day

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Avatar drains a three...

Watching the Avatar Promo...I mean, NBA Playoffs, is consuming my entire Sunday. Usually on Sundays I like to sleep in till 1pm, compare coffee in my neighborhood (Pizza by The Park..excellent...Xinags Deli...taste like burnt hair) and pretend I have a wife by yelling "Ill be back later, get off my back" every time I leave the house. But today, when all is said and done, I will have watched 4 games, 12 hours of basketball. The turn around from my teens to now is amazing. I wasn't into sports at all in high school. In soccer, my position was the one where you kick the ball between the orange cones on the sideline. I played baseball to get the pizza party afterwards. My dad would yell at me when I asked who he was voting for in the game, or if he liked the other players costumes. But now, I'm sports obsessed. Except for hockey. Its just..soo....Canadien. Even FOX knew it was boring a few years ago when they made the puck glow so you could follow it. And FOX had the PJ'S! SO they know boring.

Nothing but net. This is why fish don't like basketball...(that joke is for my 5 year old fans)

This week, I performed in Aurora New York. A college town where there are 550 students, one bar, one supermarket, and countless cows. the cows loved us. The show was great, and makes me wonder what would have happened if I went to college. What happened, what distracted me from the college path...oh, Extreme Makeover Home Edition is on!

I also did a show Friday in Baton Rogue. The Red Stick. Muggy, hot, and overcast. And that was the women! Ha ha it for the show in Modesto Rory.

Hope everyone had a great 4 20 ...I did. From what I remember I was consumed, songs were sung, and dreams were fulfilled. Memory loss? probably, but totally worth it.

Hope everyone had a great 4 20...

Most of life is like a Yo-Yo...some things leave and come back and leave again, or is that a boomerang, or is that Martin Lawrence. I can never remember.

"It's the apocalypse alright! I always knew I'd have a hand in it."
- Professer Farnsworth, Futurama

Saturday, April 10, 2010

I didn't give an old lady my seat on the train a few weeks ago. I asked a guy who obviously whitened his teeth if he would smile at the sidewalk so I could find my contact lens. I was given change for a twenty instead of the ten I gave for coffee and for a moment thought about not saying anything. So, maybe it was fate, karma, or wrong place right time for the mugging to happen. When the guy grabbed my bag (yes, I'm an 80 year old woman) I ran after him. So at least I know my natural reaction is not to scream like a 10 year old girl who saw the Jonas Brothers sex tape, but instead to blindly run in the face of danger. The 8 drinks in me didn't hurt either

Making ends meet is getting harder and harder because there seem to be new ends every day. And how many times must ends meet? It seems like some ends have Alzheimer's and need to meet every month. Doesn't any end know each other anymore? What a world.

I haven't had a phone for 24 hours...I feel naked. That and I have no clothes on...but the people at this Starbucks don't seem to mind...

I'm so glad baseball season is back. Theres a game on every day at almost every time, so theres never a bad reason to be in a bar. Unless that bar is Applebees. Then theres never a good reason for that.

I owe the IRS a tidy sum of money. I guess that's why my initials are in there...

If April Showers really bring May Flowers, then these should be some BIG ASS Flowers coming my way. I'm going to lay down...hopefully to dream of a more innocent 26 hours ago.

"The status quo sucks" - George Carlin

Saturday, March 27, 2010

So, the ST Paticks day party I crash every year...I think I mentioned it...was canceled this year. The recession finally touched me. So, some mates of mine (Too British? ) Freund's of mine sweet talked a very dead Japanese place into giving us 4 beers each and an appetizer for 20 bones. It was the fourth place we tried, but our new Malaysian friends Tim and Ricky helped spurn a new St Paddys tradition: Rock shrimp and Asahi.

If NYC turns into LA...I don't know where Ill go. Its slowly happening. Theres more and more places that put on little crappy shows, more places selling fish tacos, and now, more people dressed in ratted out costumes. I saw a Grinch, a cookie monster, a Mickey Mouse, and two Elmos that looked like they crawled out of the Hudson into Times Square and were charging five bucks a pop for your kid to hug them, and take a picture of them contracting the plague. If that was a real Mickey, thered be two handlers, a photographer, and Roy Disney's frozen head watching the whole thing.

I actually had a really nice time in Sheridan Wyoming. Almost had a threesome with a very drunk well endowed...ya know what...I dont have to write everything.

WIll do my taxes on my next day off. Since I don't have a job, I really don't have a "day Off" so Ill have to wait till that happens first.

South Park is still the funiest show on tv...on the flip side, did we really need a brand new Parenthood?

By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry' - Gary Larson, The Far Side

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Dream A Nothing Dream

I was checking out of this hotel, and the manager came over as I was trying to hide the 20 packets of hot chocolate I swiped form the breakfast bar and said there was a problem with my bill. That I had walked a tab the night before at the restaurant. I said, Oh no lady, I put cash in the check thingie, I clearly remember doing that. She said the waitress was in tears because I had stiffed her, and I needed to pay right away. I again stated I had paid, and someone from their staff obviously took the money. And to make things worst...I woke up. This was a dream. A boring dream. The one place where anything can happen, and Im dreaming an argument with a La Quinta day manager. Ah, one day!

A friend of mine took off on a cruise ship job for a while, and Im babysitting his CD collection. Over 600 CD's,and a lot from the 80's and 90's. So, maybe my dreams will be flashbacks of great times from high school and my early 20s's...theres REMS Murmur, the album I listened to as I drank my first scotch and hit on my theater teacher at a cast party. Or Welcome to The Beautiful South's songs I would listen to as I drank Mad Dog 20/20 and rolled off of Matt Viberts rooftop. Or The Trash Can Sinatras beautiful haunting tunes that enhanced the weed I would smoke in Denton during my "college years"* . Actually, its a wonder I have any memories at all.

ST Patricks Day is may be my last post...every year for the last 6 years Ive crashed this great party of a hedge fund something or other who has an office right in midtown Manhattan overlooking the parade, with free beer, booze, food, bands, and its packed. I'm sneaking in 7 people. I think we may be a band called...oh lets say...the Shilalies...I'm sure I didn't spell that right...and spellcheck on here says its spelled we'll go as the baby Back Ribs.

Off to Denver for some shows Thursday. Then Montana. So, note to self, (If I'm reading this...(Id be surprised if anyone does) Bring Xanex. Its in your Hulk Pez Dispenser.

I cant figure out how to program my new clock radio, so Im waiting till midnight to plug it in....

"They said if I burned myself alive, thatd you'd come running back"---Beautiful South

*Moved to Denton with my band....they went to UNT... I was a breakfast manager at a Hawaiian themed diner that served daiquiris at the drive-thru....

Monday, February 22, 2010

This car smells funny

Seven shows in 4 days. A new personal record. And here's who I got to portray: An old man who went to the theater on the wrong day, a snowboarder with a head injury, an ignorant mayor named Mr Mayor, Santa Claus, a T rex, a college student from Nova Scotia, a policeman, someones mom, another policeman, a king, a teacher who took 12 years of 12th grade before teaching it, a bartender who spikes his drinks with Windex, a chicken, a soapy inmate, and a construction worker who was a virgin. What day is it?

See if you can guess how my picture relates to my post this week....collect them all!

Some days living in New York is like being on the set of a movie, and everything seems fun and alive.
Some days living in New York you get on what you think is an empty car on the D Train, only to find a homeless man taking a dump in there and a small frightened Vietnamese lady in the corner holding her nose, and you cant get out because the doors just shut, and the doors between cars are locked, and then the D Train stops for 6 minutes due to train traffic and you have to breathe through your nose, or you will throw up, and you block your ears so as not to hear the strains coming from the man using the train as his executive bathroom, and then the doors finally open, and you run out waving your hands like they're on fire in the air warning people to not go in there, and it all seems so completely disgusting you wonder why you moved here in the first place.
But sometimes, its like the first thing I said.

I can not find The Connells Fun and Games CD ( cassette when it first came out) anywhere. Not on Itunes, Pandora, Lastfm, or I know this album (cassette actually) existed. not like the other things I made up, like dwarf's living in the vents of my house, the talking dog Perky whom I shared a special relationship with, or a happy family. Anyway, if you see it, grab it for me...Ill get ya back...

Resin works just fine in a pinch...ya know?

ST Patricks Day is a mere 3 weeks away....I haven't even started shopping. But, I'm on the top of a list for a liver at a hospital in upstate New York, so Ive got that...
We are in that weird area of sports when there is no baseball or football, and hockey is suspended because of the Winter Olympics, which still happens much to my surprise. I thought it was a test, like The West Coast Avengers spin-off, or After Mash. I wonder if they'll have After Lost, or Law and Order Babies. I would totally watch that ..for a while...

"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.”---Robin Williams

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Ribbon Cutting

I always thought ribbon cutting ceremonies were only for government officials, or people who were about to be attacked by a supervillian like the Green Goblin. But I went to one yesterday. And it was great. And it was catered! The 52nd Street Project is a great theater I volunteer at, and they moved to their new digs and celebrated with mini meatball sandwiches and a speech from Lewis Black. He was great, and he teared up a bit talking about his late brother, whom he named the theater after, and it was very moving. Edie Falco was there too and we talked about how great the kids were, and the project, and I thought she was into it despite frantically pushing the button for the elevator.

Its 4pm, time to open the blinds and see whats going on, and who's out there....whoa...this is why I try to sleep during the daylight hours

If youre not a fan of my improv band, I would love you to be. BTK rocked it out last night. At first I thought it was a dream, but now it burns when I pee, so I know it was all real.

Valentines day rapidly approaches, so look out local massage parlors in my neighborhood. This year with the money I would have spent taking a girl to a lovely prix fixe dinner at a place that ends in Tratorria, I will donate all the money to my favorite charity. Lets get Betty White to host SNL.

Happy V Day: "Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.” --- Steve Martin

Monday, February 1, 2010

Beer Thirty

Seattle Washington. Pike Pier area. A mixture of mac n cheese and raw oysters may not have been the smartest move, but, if I made smart moves, this blog would be in a book, and Id be paying a robot to type this. Or a clone. Or something from the future. Actually, if I could clone myself, Id send the other Rory out to make balloon swords, because I like them, but I cant make them. The squeaking drives me nuts. Cant stand squeaky sneakers ( wouldn't make it courtside at a Knicks game) Or squeaky foods. Like pickle spears.....damn...that makes me cringe right now.

I lost my little old man newsie cap there too. In Washington not in the future. In five years though, Back to the Future says were supposed to have flying cars, newspapers with built in videos, and guys fashion at work is two ties. I hate wearing one tie: the future sounds scary.

I think the commercials where the people talk to the Big Mac Snack Wraps is dead on. If it comes to a point where I'm eating McDonalds, I'm talking to food too.

SuperBowl Sunday, the second greatest holiday on Earth*, approaches. As per my new diet, I am ON a strict Monday-Friday no frills diet, then on the weekends I can eat anything I want. Lost six pounds so far, and I think its something I can stick too. SO, saving up to eat my weight in wings, and bathe in PBR....actually, a beer sounds good now, and its 2 in the morning...and I'm going to drink one cause I'm a grown man damn it!

Ever since I re-arranged my bedroom, putting the bed against the wall instead of by the radiator, I sleep so much better. That and Ive stopped eating bacon bits mixed in peanut butter at midnight...damn that sounds good too, and I am a grown man....Ill be right back....

Movie review: Watched The Hurt Locker on the plane. I took away the message of defusing carbombs in Iraq is better then having kids. I think I knew that secretly already. I like kids, but they have less concept of money then I do, and I'm still banking on paying my rent this month with my Old Navy gift card...

Well, I have 2 Dr Drews "Celebrity" Rehabs taped, so I have a full night.

"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again." --- Groucho Marx

* St Patricks Day is the best man made holiday.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Clap your hands

I realized if you brush your teeth to the syllables of "If you're happy and you know it" 15 times, you will have brushed your teeth 2 minutes, and 30 seconds, so don't thunk I didn't learn anything today. And yes, I meant to write thunk.

I oft-times give money to street musicians or subway singers,not because I'm nice, but more because I want them to tip me in a year when I'm playing Pachelbel's Canon on a nose harp at the Queensbourough Plaza and wearing a jacket I found. Actually, technically, I do wear a jacket that was found, but I didn't find it. Pete did. Gave it to me. So, that's a gift not garbage right?

Anywho, on the D train tonight, there was a guy that looked a lot like Bilbo Baggins dressed as Mozart. A stocky grey haired , long finger nailed guy playing the clarinet. And quite well actually for a Hobbit maestro. And I wanted to give him a buck. But I don't like people seeing me do it. Because usually people look at someone when they do that with anxiety.,like, "I'm not gonna tip...damn, do I tip now? " So I was already anxious about that, cause a lady saw me go for my wallet. Then the anxiety built more. And as he approached, I reached out to give him the grand prize of one dollar, I saw he was blind. This increased the anxiety, and instead of putting it in his hat, I shoved it in his fist and yelled "Here. It is one dollar" way too loud hitting each syllable really hard. ONE DOLL ER. I think I frightened him.

SO that happened.

There is either a cat in heat, a car alarm, or dolphin porn outside my window right now. Again.

The Superbowl is the Saints and Colts. Just like the Bible predicted.

I cant sync up my bicycle kicks. I can play guitar, but cant figure out left arm, right foot....

I thought had more blog. But I'm tired. Don't give me that look. Ill have good stories when I get back from Washington this weekend. Pittsburgh was great if you like bridges, and you like jumping off of them.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Dream a little dream...

I had a dream I was at an audition for a new Shakespeare movie, and after my monologue which I did completely in Spanish, I had to show my manhood to the five people behind the table. One was a friend of mine from an acting class I took ten years ago, two were a couple I saw fighting on the D train I saw previously that day. The fourth was a complete stranger. A very hot blond who looked like the real version of a Japanime woman, with giant eyes and perfect single stranded hair. And the fifth was that lady from the Taco Bell fresca diet commercials. When I woke up I vowed two things. Not to make and consume my own ranch dressing at midnight (minds out of the gutter...we can play there later) and two, to fill my days by keeping a dream journal. What secrets do my own subconscious hold for me? Do I have all the answers already and am just not paying attention? Are the Islanders really on a winning streak?

I didn't buy a notebook or diary, but I used the back of one of my old headshots. I used to use old headshots as calendars, but my friend Blue bought me a daytimer last year, and I use those now. Took me till 2009 to use a daytimer, but anywho...the next night I had a dream I was waiting tables at a BBQ joint in what appeared to be on the deck of a ship, and I had no pens. When I went to write it down after I woke up, I got as far as the word waiting written down, and then I thought of a song called Waiting by the Devlins, and I turned my computer on to buy it on Itunes. It was actually called World Outside, so I bought that. Waiting is the first word of the song, thus the confusion. By the time I got to the page, I forgot most of the dream. I tried to remember as the day went on, but then there were 3 Law and Orders on in a row I hadn't seen. I thought I had seen all of them. I probably have, but I think when I learn something new now-a -days, like they make a white American cheese, I forget an episode of L&O.
If all my boxes of crackers and cereal are not facing the same direction on top of my fridge, I cant concentrate. Even if I'm in another room.
Ill see what I dream about tonight, and if I can make it to the page before something distracts me like...oh....sunlight. Maybe I will dream about people from the D train again. You know that game you play, where you think to yourself, "If the subway broke down, and I HAD to sleep with someone on here, who would it be?" The other day for two whole stops, the answer was everyone. That hasn't happened ever.

Remember, its good to not to be focused all the time. It adds character. Swiss cheese without holes is just cheese. Don't be just cheese. Good night and sweet dre...look, a quarter!

Saturday, January 9, 2010


The Cowboys won a playoff game for the first time in 13 years and every Texan I know is excited. I'm so happy I could go vegan on a stupid dare I wasn't paying attention to at the bar tonight. But, if celebrating something you haven't done in thirteen years is a real thing, then, 2011 is going to be amazing. That will be my 13Th anniversary of getting away with that money laundering Blimpies franchise I started. Thirteen years since I cried when they canceled Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Thirteen years of owning the rights to the SilverHawks cartoon thereby stunting the movie adaptation by Matthew Broderick and Nathan Lane. Thirteen long years of my banishment at the Looney Bin in Wichita Kansas (Their loss). Ten and three years since I was last behind the wheel of a car legally, and hopefully 13 years since I bought a new pair of boxer shorts "just because"
Thats all today ....happy the Boys won and now sleep...tomorrow, I might look for a job...oh look...a shiny thing!

Heres a quote: Fanatic is often the name given to people of action by people who are lazy.
Bryant H. McGill

Monday, January 4, 2010

I googled myself before googling yourself was cool

Ive done it, you've done it, everyone does it. Google yourself and remember things you probably forgot for a reason. As I was searching the Internet for a job, and by job I mean searching Craigslist for used PS3 games, I thought in between bites of my Reeses Pieces infused granola bar, (my new years more bad foods disguised as healthy foods) that its been a while since Ive googled me, and I was wondering if Ive done anything new lately. My bio for the improv troupe I'm in comes up, plus some random sites Im listed as an employee, and some pictures on Flikr. Scroll down and my IMDB page pops up with my one entry: Narrating a documentary about mold. Then, a Flixster account I apparently have, followed by an ad for a failed show I did with a friend in which we got stinking drunk in front of the audience. Why didn't that work? Then, a Rory sighting at a party back in 2006 for Pepsi Jazz. The days when I was a socialite. Day...And then more randomness: a sketch troupe I'm no longer in, a comic book writing contest list of runner up names, (I was in it...Helios) trying to get me to find my missing friends from high school, and then... a video that may or not be me as I would have been loaded if I was in it. A Tiger called Rory singing about how great everything is since Rory's here. Awesome! Stage time is stage time I guess. ( I also discovered I'm a goldsmith.(Scholl is a highly valued master goldsmith. Mr. Scholl emigrated to Italy from the United States in 1977 and opened his first studio in 1979.) SO, Ive done a lot more with my time then I thought.

Where was I? Oh yes...ps3 games. If you have any you want to trade, let me know.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Dont try to save me

...and Ill do the same for you. I'm blogging this blog to blog baby, not to change America, although it will probably happen after this. I'm not here to tell you its alright and hang in there, cause sometimes its not and you have to pay the piper even if paydays a week away. I'm not posting pictures of me with a porcelain statue of a duck in an inner tube in front of landmarks like Nevada's biggest outdoor thermometer, or the original Marie Calendars. I'm not even posting this in hopes that my long lost son reads this, and forgives me. No. This is a fun, creative, way to fill the days that I can do naked and drunk and not have this story end with me building a sidewalk for the parks and recreation department of New York as part of my community service. Not having a day job has screwed up my perspectives and inner clock, and this will help document the descent into ...well boredom I guess, madness is a bit strong. If you follow me, I promise that you will be entertained, frightened, pitiful, and apathetic. Maybe not all at once, but, some variation thereof. I can promise many misspelled words and untrue references. I can promise there will be days, maybe weeks that go by without a new post as I'm sure I will forget I have this from time to time. Like my Netflix account, or my monthly charge for my fantasy baseball site. I'll regale you in tales as to what I do to battle boredom, and my own thoughts on a day to day basis. Most of them true. Recently Ive been trying to document how my hair looks depending on whether I use shampoo or not. But in the shower I get distracted by songs, or the beer I almost spilt on the soap and I can never remember if I used it or not. I have to take all of the shampoo out of the bathroom and hide it so next time I get in, I wont be able to use it. Also, Ive been eating a hell of a lot of "magic" cookies recently.

Carla Gugino, call me.

I just texted a friend to let him know wed be watching football in Queens tomorrow and spellcheck changed "in Queens" to "maidens". So Ill be watching football maidens! That message will make sense.

Add bacon bits to your next meal. No matter what it is, just do it. Well, Ill be in touch. And now, as everyone knows, a good way to end a blog is with a deep quote that you didnt write, that sums up your feelings about what you did write.
These days I seem to think a lot about the things that I forgot to do---These Days by Jackson Browne
If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.---Dick Cavett