Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Clap your hands

I realized if you brush your teeth to the syllables of "If you're happy and you know it" 15 times, you will have brushed your teeth 2 minutes, and 30 seconds, so don't thunk I didn't learn anything today. And yes, I meant to write thunk.

I oft-times give money to street musicians or subway singers,not because I'm nice, but more because I want them to tip me in a year when I'm playing Pachelbel's Canon on a nose harp at the Queensbourough Plaza and wearing a jacket I found. Actually, technically, I do wear a jacket that was found, but I didn't find it. Pete did. Gave it to me. So, that's a gift not garbage right?

Anywho, on the D train tonight, there was a guy that looked a lot like Bilbo Baggins dressed as Mozart. A stocky grey haired , long finger nailed guy playing the clarinet. And quite well actually for a Hobbit maestro. And I wanted to give him a buck. But I don't like people seeing me do it. Because usually people look at someone when they do that with anxiety.,like, "I'm not gonna tip...damn, do I tip now? " So I was already anxious about that, cause a lady saw me go for my wallet. Then the anxiety built more. And as he approached, I reached out to give him the grand prize of one dollar, I saw he was blind. This increased the anxiety, and instead of putting it in his hat, I shoved it in his fist and yelled "Here. It is one dollar" way too loud hitting each syllable really hard. ONE DOLL ER. I think I frightened him.

SO that happened.

There is either a cat in heat, a car alarm, or dolphin porn outside my window right now. Again.

The Superbowl is the Saints and Colts. Just like the Bible predicted.

I cant sync up my bicycle kicks. I can play guitar, but cant figure out left arm, right foot....

I thought had more blog. But I'm tired. Don't give me that look. Ill have good stories when I get back from Washington this weekend. Pittsburgh was great if you like bridges, and you like jumping off of them.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Dream a little dream...

I had a dream I was at an audition for a new Shakespeare movie, and after my monologue which I did completely in Spanish, I had to show my manhood to the five people behind the table. One was a friend of mine from an acting class I took ten years ago, two were a couple I saw fighting on the D train I saw previously that day. The fourth was a complete stranger. A very hot blond who looked like the real version of a Japanime woman, with giant eyes and perfect single stranded hair. And the fifth was that lady from the Taco Bell fresca diet commercials. When I woke up I vowed two things. Not to make and consume my own ranch dressing at midnight (minds out of the gutter...we can play there later) and two, to fill my days by keeping a dream journal. What secrets do my own subconscious hold for me? Do I have all the answers already and am just not paying attention? Are the Islanders really on a winning streak?

I didn't buy a notebook or diary, but I used the back of one of my old headshots. I used to use old headshots as calendars, but my friend Blue bought me a daytimer last year, and I use those now. Took me till 2009 to use a daytimer, but anywho...the next night I had a dream I was waiting tables at a BBQ joint in what appeared to be on the deck of a ship, and I had no pens. When I went to write it down after I woke up, I got as far as the word waiting written down, and then I thought of a song called Waiting by the Devlins, and I turned my computer on to buy it on Itunes. It was actually called World Outside, so I bought that. Waiting is the first word of the song, thus the confusion. By the time I got to the page, I forgot most of the dream. I tried to remember as the day went on, but then there were 3 Law and Orders on in a row I hadn't seen. I thought I had seen all of them. I probably have, but I think when I learn something new now-a -days, like they make a white American cheese, I forget an episode of L&O.
If all my boxes of crackers and cereal are not facing the same direction on top of my fridge, I cant concentrate. Even if I'm in another room.
Ill see what I dream about tonight, and if I can make it to the page before something distracts me like...oh....sunlight. Maybe I will dream about people from the D train again. You know that game you play, where you think to yourself, "If the subway broke down, and I HAD to sleep with someone on here, who would it be?" The other day for two whole stops, the answer was everyone. That hasn't happened ever.

Remember, its good to not to be focused all the time. It adds character. Swiss cheese without holes is just cheese. Don't be just cheese. Good night and sweet dre...look, a quarter!

Saturday, January 9, 2010


The Cowboys won a playoff game for the first time in 13 years and every Texan I know is excited. I'm so happy I could go vegan on a stupid dare I wasn't paying attention to at the bar tonight. But, if celebrating something you haven't done in thirteen years is a real thing, then, 2011 is going to be amazing. That will be my 13Th anniversary of getting away with that money laundering Blimpies franchise I started. Thirteen years since I cried when they canceled Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Thirteen years of owning the rights to the SilverHawks cartoon thereby stunting the movie adaptation by Matthew Broderick and Nathan Lane. Thirteen long years of my banishment at the Looney Bin in Wichita Kansas (Their loss). Ten and three years since I was last behind the wheel of a car legally, and hopefully 13 years since I bought a new pair of boxer shorts "just because"
Thats all today ....happy the Boys won and now sleep...tomorrow, I might look for a job...oh look...a shiny thing!

Heres a quote: Fanatic is often the name given to people of action by people who are lazy.
Bryant H. McGill

Monday, January 4, 2010

I googled myself before googling yourself was cool

Ive done it, you've done it, everyone does it. Google yourself and remember things you probably forgot for a reason. As I was searching the Internet for a job, and by job I mean searching Craigslist for used PS3 games, I thought in between bites of my Reeses Pieces infused granola bar, (my new years more bad foods disguised as healthy foods) that its been a while since Ive googled me, and I was wondering if Ive done anything new lately. My bio for the improv troupe I'm in comes up, plus some random sites Im listed as an employee, and some pictures on Flikr. Scroll down and my IMDB page pops up with my one entry: Narrating a documentary about mold. Then, a Flixster account I apparently have, followed by an ad for a failed show I did with a friend in which we got stinking drunk in front of the audience. Why didn't that work? Then, a Rory sighting at a party back in 2006 for Pepsi Jazz. The days when I was a socialite. Day...And then more randomness: a sketch troupe I'm no longer in, a comic book writing contest list of runner up names, (I was in it...Helios) trying to get me to find my missing friends from high school, and then... a video that may or not be me as I would have been loaded if I was in it. A Tiger called Rory singing about how great everything is since Rory's here. Awesome! Stage time is stage time I guess. ( I also discovered I'm a goldsmith.(Scholl is a highly valued master goldsmith. Mr. Scholl emigrated to Italy from the United States in 1977 and opened his first studio in 1979.) SO, Ive done a lot more with my time then I thought.

Where was I? Oh yes...ps3 games. If you have any you want to trade, let me know.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Dont try to save me

...and Ill do the same for you. I'm blogging this blog to blog baby, not to change America, although it will probably happen after this. I'm not here to tell you its alright and hang in there, cause sometimes its not and you have to pay the piper even if paydays a week away. I'm not posting pictures of me with a porcelain statue of a duck in an inner tube in front of landmarks like Nevada's biggest outdoor thermometer, or the original Marie Calendars. I'm not even posting this in hopes that my long lost son reads this, and forgives me. No. This is a fun, creative, way to fill the days that I can do naked and drunk and not have this story end with me building a sidewalk for the parks and recreation department of New York as part of my community service. Not having a day job has screwed up my perspectives and inner clock, and this will help document the descent into ...well boredom I guess, madness is a bit strong. If you follow me, I promise that you will be entertained, frightened, pitiful, and apathetic. Maybe not all at once, but, some variation thereof. I can promise many misspelled words and untrue references. I can promise there will be days, maybe weeks that go by without a new post as I'm sure I will forget I have this from time to time. Like my Netflix account, or my monthly charge for my fantasy baseball site. I'll regale you in tales as to what I do to battle boredom, and my own thoughts on a day to day basis. Most of them true. Recently Ive been trying to document how my hair looks depending on whether I use shampoo or not. But in the shower I get distracted by songs, or the beer I almost spilt on the soap and I can never remember if I used it or not. I have to take all of the shampoo out of the bathroom and hide it so next time I get in, I wont be able to use it. Also, Ive been eating a hell of a lot of "magic" cookies recently.

Carla Gugino, call me.

I just texted a friend to let him know wed be watching football in Queens tomorrow and spellcheck changed "in Queens" to "maidens". So Ill be watching football maidens! That message will make sense.

Add bacon bits to your next meal. No matter what it is, just do it. Well, Ill be in touch. And now, as everyone knows, a good way to end a blog is with a deep quote that you didnt write, that sums up your feelings about what you did write.
These days I seem to think a lot about the things that I forgot to do---These Days by Jackson Browne
If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.---Dick Cavett